I am surrounded by the modern day independent woman who gets what she wants on her own, works hard and has so much ambition but is always talking about how men aren’t shit and they are all “wastemen”. I am admittedly one of them and it had me thinking about the society we live in today.
Many people talk about how relationships like our grandparent’s don’t exist anymore, but I don’t think that is the case. I just think less people are willing to deal with someone else’s flaws and mistakes. Many times, people stay in a relationship or marriage because they depend on that person for more than just companionship but also financial support etc. So if you have your own, then there is nothing keeping you in a relationship that has gone sour or with a partner that has gone astray. A friend of mine said that more women act like men these days. In the sense that they are more sexually active without commitment or more likely to cheat – is that true? I don’t know, it could have been happening all this time but women are just more vocal or open about it now.
Then there is the influence of the media where the idea of “bad bitches” is glorified by artists or being a savage, like Rihanna would say. Basically, young girls are told that not giving a shit or getting in your feelings is the way forward. So is that the truth?
Sadly, I have seen and even experienced first-hand how easy it is for a partner to betray you and a lot of my closest girlfriends have had their hearts broken by a man that they trusted and love. When you become emotionally scarred it is so much easier to hate a whole species than to go back and try and love someone else, risking more hurt. The saying goes, if you can’t beat them, join them.
I think one of the most important things is being single and learning how to be happy on your own as there is no one more powerful than the person who makes themselves happy. However, can this also be the curse? Once you have experienced true freedom and happiness, you are bound to compare any other feeling to that high. That makes it easy to say “ I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore because I was happier single”. Any small argument could make you question a relationship, forgetting that EVERY relationship is bound to bring fights and arguments because you are dealing with another person, another entity.
You have to remember that you can’t argue with yourself because you are going to do whatever it is that you want to do, that’s what makes it so easy being single. And that’s when you have to come to the middle ground of sacrificing some of that freedom unless you are happy with me being single for the rest of your life…. I love spending time with myself and I think I am so much fun but I don’t want to be my own best friend forever, I want to share my funny stories and happiness with someone else too. The hardest thing I find is trusting someone again after the last person broke my trust. The digital age that we live in has made it so easy to meet people, cheat on your partner and do it again. Like I said, I don’t think men/women are doing anything different, there were cheaters back in the 40s who wrote letters to their mistresses while now you simply slide in the DMs. I just think the scale of things has magnified and the digital footprint has also made it slightly easier to find out about it. Therefore, here we are again, the gift of digital that also brought the curse.
I call it the Age of Tinder. Where you can meet someone with just a swipe, talk to them for a few days and get bored and then swipe for an upgrade! It is no wonder that more women are single, it is easy getting a man’s initial attention but it has grown so hard to keep that interest. Meanwhile, the same goes for a woman who can easily meet someone but find a small flaw or itch that annoys her and then go back to the drawing board.
So how do we break the curse? It takes working on yourself and it isn’t just the case of not being able to find the “mr.right”. Work on yourself and know exactly what you want, but then reflect on that. Are you expecting the unattainable? Do you want a man who is fully established, never been married, a family man who knows how to have fun, who surprises you with roses and takes you to lovely places? Well news flash – everyone wants that and you might be best off watching chick flicks for the rest of your life and meet your perfect man on TV. I have also noticed that people who are actively looking or trying to find someone have less luck.
I know a few people who met on dating apps and are still together, but I have personally had more of a connection with people I have met organically on a night out or through friends than someone I matched on Tinder. I mentioned in a previous post on dating etiquettes that you can tell immediately by someone’s vibe if there is a connection or not, and sometimes that is so hard to do online. Also, people on dating apps are even more distracted than a normal human being!
So after all this waffling what am I trying to get to is – stop and reflect. If you are in a relationship reflect on the things about it that make you happy and what you want to change. Can you change those things or would that mean someone having to change or can you just get over it. You have to choose your battles wisely because if you fight every single annoying habit you are just going to end up single forever (and to some people that might be what they want anyway).
If you are single then reflect on what it is you want to do and what makes you happy – then do it. And then I am sure when you least expect it you’ll find someone that fits right in with that.
Do not force something and do not fight something, what happens will happen naturally. And like I said in a previous post on trusting your gut , you will know if someone is right for you or if they aren’t, your heart just knows these things. And until then, just keep doing the things that make you happy ❤