Ex’s, we all have them. There is the crazy ex, the ex who doesn’t love you anymore, the ex who pops up every now and again or the ex that won’t let you move on. I have had my fair share of drama but I have entered a drama free realm for the past year, good vibes only!
However, it took some work to get there. After my last relationship ended, I was very much enjoying the single life and freedom. I cannot emphasise how important it is to really take time to heal after a relationship has turned sour, and healing by yourself is the true challenge. Not finding comfort in another person’s arms but to find comfort within you.
After a 4 year relationship, it was obviously not going to be a clean slate break-up. However, for my own sanity and self-respect, I ended the relationship by text.
I know, a horrible act, and quite selfish. But I needed to be selfish after I was mentally and emotionally drained, and after the break-up, despite efforts to get in touch and meet up from his part, I never saw him again.
Do I regret the way I acted? Yes and no. Yes because I thought that after 4 years the least I could do is give myself and him closure. No because I knew that if we met up he would have the same sorry excuses and find a way to make me feel sorry for him. My mum said “ You don’t owe him anything, be selfish now”, so I took her advice and never looked back.
After the amazing holiday I have just had in Jamaica with some of my girls, the conversation of speaking to ex’s or having an “on again, off again” relationship with an ex came up and I made my opinion very clear – an ex is an ex for a reason.
For whatever reason you broke up, something wasn’t working for someone. Now, if that something can be fixed and both parties are willing to work on it, then go for that second chance. HOWEVER, if it is a bigger issue, then you must realise that it is time to shut that door. The truth is, some doors do not open until the other is completely closed – that means no door stopper in the way leaving a little gap of false hope.
Every situation and every break up is different. It took me months to mentally realise I actually did not want to be with my ex anymore because I couldn’t trust him again and I knew I deserved more. So I shut the door.
I didn’t shut it completely after the break-up, when he tried to get in touch I entertained the conversations and a few times I thought – oh it would be great if we could still be friends.
NO, it was just continuous drama.
It is so easy to revert back to something that is familiar and comfortable to you, even if it doesn’t make you happy. That is why I decided, the best thing to do was to cut all ties, shut the door and throw away the key. In an ideal world, you and your ex can both agree that you aren’t the best for each other, wish each other all the happiness and move on. However, people have traits that can harm your inner peace and if your ex hurt you then a civil goodbye isn’t always easy.
What is my advice?
If you are in a situation where you have an ex but you are still in eachother’s lives, romantically, then you first need to ask yourself – is this the person who really, truly makes me happy? If so, try and make it work.
If not? Then ask yourself why you are giving him/her your precious time and energy? The likelihood is that you are afraid of the unknown or being alone. Let me tell you this, you can be in a relationship and feel lonely, if it’s not the right one.
Are you waiting to have closure before shutting the door? Because, I never got the closure I wanted mainly due to constant lies. Sometimes, you have to give yourself closure and accept that you need to know your own truths. Know that you gave everything you had and somethings do not work out – and always for a reason. You may not know the reason right then!
It was only when I really left the bad energy behind, and learnt to love myself that I saw the light. And after two years of being single and loving myself, someone came knocking on a door and I opened it.
I met someone genuine.
Someone who knows my worth and loves me and tells me how beautiful I am. You know when you meet someone that feels like a familiar soul, and the energy just flows? I can guarantee you, that god only placed him there because I had shut the door behind me and I was ready to receive true love.
Most of us are lucky because we have the freedom of choice. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to choose.
So I want you to choose. Choose happiness, choose to let go of something that doesn’t serve you any purpose, choose to grow and choose you.
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Mel Adela | London Travel And Lifestyle Blog 