Millenial’s ( born between early 1980s and mid 1990s) are said to have the closer relationships with their parents than other groups. Information is shared, we are more open about relationships and challenges. Perhaps true but I am sure not everyone would agree. That being said, I am constantly looking at women who have a perplexed relationship with their fathers. Nowadays, to hear that someone’s parents are still together in a healthy, loving and committed relationship is rare. I think I know 4 people, in fact it is more normal to have separated or divorced parents in this day and age. And in most instances, the children then live with the mum and that is where my story begins.
My parent’s separation was very much different to the usual storyline, we stayed with my dad (until I moved over to live with my mum) but my father was a very busy man with his own business that demanded a lot of his time. Like with any divorce or separation, especially at the young age of 11, I was upset and confused and angry at the same time. But with two younger siblings, that experience really forced me to grow up and accept change.
Both my parents are the best parents I could ever ask for, and I have never not had anything growing up, but at the same time their separation taught me not to be naïve. My mum always said that she was naïve to a relationship’s potential downfall, because the only thing she knew was a complete home with mum and dad together. Millennial’s are exposed to the truth much earlier – not everything is forever. It probably is a good thing, because you realise that you have to put in the work to make things work, especially relationships.
My father was always a provider of the family but he also was a risk-taker and I saw the impact that had, without giving all the details away. It has made me quite the opposite, I hate taking risks and I am so money savvy. Now here is my controversial statement – “Every woman has daddy issues”
Some of you may be thinking – I definitely do not, my dad is amazing! And here’s when I say, daddy issues does not only mean you can’t make it work out with any man you meet or you didn’t have that father figure growing up. Whether you had your dad around or not, his actions and the way he was involved in your upbringing will always have some form of impact on the way you are as a person or how you deal with the other men in your life.
Exhibit a) I mentioned that I am the opposite of my dad’s risk taking trait, yet I always dated the “bad boys” with some type of edge. Well I sat down and thought about it, I do not have my dad as regularly in my life because he lives in a different country and we have such busy lives, so I search for that element of excitement and risk in the person I am with. That is why a relationship with someone that just has an office job, see’s his mum on the weekends and has his next 5 years of life planned out would probably eventually bore me.
Exhibit b) When my dad went on to re-marry and have another batch of 3 children a part of my little heart got pissed off again because it felt like he was building a new life (by this point I was in another country living with my mum). This was probably a part reason that I stayed with my ex in a toxic relationship for longer than I should have, because that was a comfortable situation and I did not want to feel like I would be losing another man in my life. FYI this is a realisation I have just come to from writing this post, thinking about the deeper impact of actions on someone else’s action ( This is why I love writing, because it gets so easy to get caught up with life and not stop and think about life).
Does this mean I have daddy issues? He gave me everything I needed growing up, worked hard to give us a wonderful life and I still try to keep in touch now but our relationship isn’t the same as when I was younger and we always went on family trips. My dad and I even traveled to Rome and Venice together while he was on a business trip. We don’t do those things anymore, so was I always trying to compensate for that change in dynamic with someone else? In 2016 I was single, truly single for the first time in a long, long time because I realised I had to work on loving myself. But prior to that I was in 2 relationships one after the other without a moment to just be with myself, alone and happy, simply because I needed the close male figure in my life that I was lacking.
Now that I have discovered the power of being my own entity, I can only hope that I make my own decisions, not influenced by anything in the past. I love my family, I love my life, I love my partner so whether I have daddy issues or not, I am here in this very moment and I love it.